Elderly car passenger

Part One

Scenario: in a car heading to breakfast. I am in the front seat. Mom is in the back.
Mom: Do you have Comcast or Xfinity?
Me: They are the same now
Mom: What I can’t hear you – you always mumble
Me: {louder} they are both the same now
Mom: Oh. I have Xfinity. I used to have Comcast
Me: I know, but they are the same now.
Mom: When I first signed up it was Comcast
Me: Yes, I know
Mom: My bill says Xfinity now
Me: Yes
Mom: I hate them, they are expensive. How much is your bill?
Me: I honestly don’t remember offhand, but mine is different from yours because you have a DVR and 2 high-definition TV boxes.  We also got a new contract with them by adding a land line.
Mom: I’m gonna call them. What is their number?
Me: It is 1 800-comcast
Mom: But they are Xfinity now
Me: Oh, look we are at the restaurant

Cell phone and tv remotes

Part Two: 2 Days later by Phone

Mom: Hello is that you?
Me: Yes it is me you called my cell phone
Mom: Well I wasn’t sure if it was you who answered.
Me: It’s me
Mom: I have a problem
Me: {thinking the worst} What’s wrong?
Mom: My DVR doesn’t work anymore?
Me: When did you last use it?
Mom: I don’t remember but I am following the directions that YOU typed out and they don’t work anymore
Me: Do you have your TV on
Mom: Yes. It is playing a basketball game
Me: What happens when you push the My DVR button
Mom: On which remote?
Me: {rolling my eyes} on the cable box remote 
Mom: Which one is that?
Me: The one that says Xfinity
Mom: Oh the Comcast one?
Me: Yes, what happens when you push the button?
Mom: Nothing it is a basketball game
Me: Did you push the cable button first?
Mom: No where is that?
Me: At the top of the remote push it until it turns red
Mom: On what remote
Me: {with agitation in my voice} On the Comcast remote
Mom: I have Xfinity
Me: Ok, ok just push the cable button then the my DVR button and tell me what happens
Mom: It flashed red
Me: Did you get the DVR menu
Mom: No
Me: What is on the screen?
Mom: A basketball game
Me: OK let’s try something else. Can you press the guide button?
Mom: Where is that?
Me: On the same remote ½ way down on the left. It’s red
Mom: I never use that button
Me: Just press it and tell me what happens
Mom: Nothing. Oh wait it changed to a commercial, now a guy is ironing his shirt I am not sure what he is selling though. Some of these commercials are so stupid.
Me: {interrupting} OK, Ok, you didn’t mix up remotes right?
Mom: No I wrote Living Room on this one so I would know. Whaatt? What’s that noise?
Me: It is you. You hit speaker phone on your cell phone again?
Mom: I hate this phone.

Me: Ok let’s try something. Go in the other room and see if My DVR works in there?
Mom: I don’t have DVR in there
Me: I know but just humor me {thinking maybe the service got changed somehow, stranger things have happened}
Mom: Ok 
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::waiting::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::waiting:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::waiting::::::::
Me: What are you doing? :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::Are you there?::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::hello::::::::::::::::::::::::::
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::where they hell did she go, she is on a cell phone::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

So, I hang up and call her back

Mom: Hello?
Me: Hi, it’s me. Where did you go?
Mom: You told me to go in the other room
Me: You are on a cell phone just take it with you
Mom: OK but it doesn’t work. Let me read you what the screen says. DVR services are not enabled on this device. Please call 1 800………
Me: Ok,ok . Just go back to the other TV and take me with you this time.
Mom: Ok I am back
Me: Can you change the TV channels with that remote?
Mom: Which remote?
Me: aaaaarrrrggggghhhhh the COMCAST remote
Mom: I have Xfinity
ME: Oh dear god please give me strength. {gritting my teeth} On…..the…..Xfinity……remote…….can…….you…….change……the……tv……..channels?
Mom: No
Me: Then it has to be the batteries. Go change the batteries and I bet you will be fine.
Mom: Your father said that an hour ago

I wrote this post several years ago for another blog that I hosted at the time. I thought it was appropriate to bring it back in honor of what would have been my mother’s 94th birthday this week. Happy, heavenly birthday Mom!